Friday, August 29, 2008


It has been a year since i started my post grad. I have been very excited over finding new things and that is one of the reasons why i am in the research field. i took up this project merely because this is something BIG. Not that big afterall, but it is something that people do not know...nobody has done it before...if i were to find something in it, I will definitely be very proud of findings. Therefore i started off feeling very passionate ..+ curious + determined to carry out my work. Who cares if my supervisor is not helpful? Who cares if my co-supervisor offers no help but sarcasism? I just want to get things done in a year...then i will convert my masters to Phd. I was doing quite well in my first semester. Things begin to change after my proposal presentation. The chemicals needed ran out of stock, things that i wants is out of order,etc. I waited 3 months for the chemicals to arrive.Meanwhile, my supervisor requires me to do unnecessary pineapple plants, mechanical inoculation of the virus,tissue culture,etc. D*mn!! Just when i thought it is the worst thing to happen , hang on, the worst thing happened. My co-supervisor asked me to take a course on SOIL FERTILITY!!~!... What is my pathology work got to do how to design fertilizers?? Fine!! i'll take it....At the end of the semester, i couldnt get any improvements on my results. That F*ckin* co supervisor was d*mn F*ck*p...he just blaaaaaaaaaaaa throughout the whole meeting. Never ending infinite bullets flying all over me. DEMOTIVATED!~~!~! Oh and i would like to add on to this, this Uni has the lousiest system of all. I missed out on my scholarship for 3 months...which is close to RM5000...reasons? because the GSO didnt communicate with my supervisor. SO?? Is that my problem that you guys don't communicate? He understands this and he said he will find a way to get that amount back for me. No choice, i shall wait and pray that he is keeping with his words.

Basically i screwed up my second semester, my supervisor beginning to lose trust on me. Then, this used-to-be-undergraduate-girl came in to do masters under him. I tell you...anyone and everyone can see how BIAS he is...She is in her first semester now and she has got a poster presentation for her final year project (this is fine) PLUS...she represents her supervisor,who is also MY supervisor in an oral presentation of HIS project!!! OUch!~ He has been guiding her all the way ....closely...gently....ME??? He would reject my idea of doing something new saying that i should stay focus at one thing at a time. Then later on complaining that i didnt do enough . That i narrowed down to only one possibility when there are so many possibilities out there. WTH?~!~!? When i asked her for suggestions or advice?? He said i should be independent, " You are no longer an undergrad, u are a master student. You should tell me what u are doing and NOT asking me what to do." Now, who is asking him what to do?? I'm only asking his 'permission' to do it my way. !@#$%^!@#$% He made me feel so unwanted and so useless everywhere...erGh~ Something that he doesn't know, i did all the results for one of his undergrads. So, I am NOT that useless afterall.....

After all i've mentioned above, i'm slowly losing passion and interest in research. Dr. Sree, i thought you said he is a great guy? How come i don't see it?? God, Shall i take the phd offer? Continue researching??